Hungry Monster!!!


Superficial, Artificial or Don’t Care
June 1, 2008, 3:54 am
Filed under: Relationships | Tags:

The topic on how I interact and treat people has been bothering me for the past week. I have always wanted to be as true and sincere to my friends as possible but it seems that I may have to sacrifice my friendships with them. WHY? Hmmm… I think I contributed a lot to it. Haiz.

I never wanted to be superficial, mainly because I think I don’t meet the criteria to be one and that got to be good looks. How can you judge someone from the outside when you yourself is no better, or even worse? Of course, I can hardly deny that I’m superficial at times when choosing friends but I’m glad it’s just trivial because the friendships maintained mostly due to good 2-way communication. Ah. Sometimes I’m really appreciate that they don’t mind my looks! That probably means they are not superficial!

Though I enjoy acting such as re-enacting what has happened, I dislike cheating my friends with fake expressions or lies and so it’s hard for me to be artificial. I can’t fake laugh when I don’t find a joke funny, I can’t entertain those I dislike, I can’t pretend to be nice to them too. However, such fake actions may be needed during the initial stage of a friendship so that the friendship may develop and may turn out to be a good one. I’ll be stopping myself from forging potential friendships!

Actually, the problem don’t really lies on others but on myself.

I tend to expect too much from others; expecting them to be like me, expecting them not to be superficial or artificial, and not accepting them. I would find them disgusting when they behave that way but I’m just jealous of their surface relationships even though I don’t wish to have them. What a contradiction! I’m puzzled by my weirdness.

Next, no matter how good a friend is supposed to be, my mind generates random negative and evil thoughts about them. As soon as they are formed, I would try to shake them off but fail, and start to bitch about them. Though I don’t deny that some of those thoughts are true and inconspicuous, I’d rather be unaffected by them and look at them more positively since I’m full of flaws also.

What should I do? Drill into my mind to see the positive side of people? Keep all my thoughts to myself and not bitch about them? Learn how to entertain people ‘cos it would be required in the working world? Or remain as true as possible; avoid those I dislike and not entertain them and be emo when I’m left with no one? Argh!

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2 Comments so far
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haha. share similar tots wid u. letz face it – human being are born to be selfish, cuz ppl will tink of themselves 1st! ahahha. i find myself more accepting of new frens now, as im always quiet when i meet new ppl now. although i hav -ve views bout e new fren, as long as i dun tok so much, these -ve tots can be easily “erased” or changed. hahah. though i tink i used to tok crap n a lot to strangers de, now lyk nt able to do so. haha. y nt tink of it way – everyone is tinkin bout e way u r tinkin at tis age. ahha..

ahh.. im crapping.. ahhh.. im v understanding de lehhhh!!!! understanding til e extent tt noone realises. 😦 baka!!!!!

Comment by slayergurl89

we are borned like that but i really dislike this feature of humans. i’d rather it be a bad habit that can be gotten rid off over time. aye… wu2 nai4 (can’t be helped)

Comment by chenmimi




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